I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
