Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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