I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize