Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
