He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
