Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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