I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
