FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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