Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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