3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please come you make the beer taste better
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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