when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
