I am spending my child support on dildos
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
