the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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