i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we're so committed to being not committed
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