someone get that fucking seahorse.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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