yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
