I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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