We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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