i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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