I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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