C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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