my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
