and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
