I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
