Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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