I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just had sex bonerless
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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