Kiss
Puke
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
