We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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