Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
