haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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