What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
