New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
