idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
