Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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