i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
