I accidentally burped into my bong.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
