i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
