This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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