it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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