but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
