Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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