Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize