Everything about him screamed your future.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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