theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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