Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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