K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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