Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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