Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
