I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
