Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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