belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
