awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize