she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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