i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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