i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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