I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
