is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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