He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
