I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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