The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize