Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
