I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
