Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize