I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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