I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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