I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
