Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
