I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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