She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
