Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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