he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
