Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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