you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
