Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
