Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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