mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why didn't you poke me back
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
