You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
