I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
