I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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