If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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