Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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