According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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