good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
