I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
