My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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