Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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